so I don't think I got beyond day 34...
I feel a bit like Lucy, finding herself  at the back of a wardrobe,
where she thought she was simply playing among old fur coats,
only to find her feet walking on snow in another world. 

For now church has walked through a door
into another world of practice: 
the foreign place of social media, videotography,
morning and evening prayers live on face book,
this has become home. 

How we inhabit church,
How we care for one another
the way we can say goodbye 
is a door into a world unrecognizable
from what we've known before. 

Come Monday I'll be joining the chaplaincy team
at the Louisa Jordan hospital in Glasgow,
working two days a week. 
So I'm not sue when I'll get back here regularly. 

until I do, 
this is what I'm travelling with this Easter.

The whole direction of reality 
is about the Fathers love for the Son
and the Son's love for the Father, 
and everything that is, is an emanation of that love,
a redemption towards that love,
a joyful participation in that love
which as we give ourselves to it
makes us more ourselves and not less. 

I can only joyfully discover who I am
when who I am is completely given over to that love -
this the losing of ourselves to find ourselves,
that allows talk of love being stronger than death
to be more than just fanciful rhetoric,
but the blissful truth it actually is. 

Keep well everyone. 
Go in the knowledge you are known by God
and God can only know by loving. 

day 34…materiality as resistance

For today’s reflection I invite you to watch the Old Testament Theologian Walter Bruggemann describe the kind of difference we need to begin to make, if we are serious about following Jesus. There is a lot of conversation right now about what Church is about and needs to become. I think Brueggemann’s mandate is exactly right.

It lasts 6 minutes… just click on link below


day 33…the road is long

So when the journey started my slippers 
closely resembled the large picture you see.
The thumbnail above is their sad state now. 
Mind you, on the way they had to endure a dogs chops...several times

(the guilty party)

So how is your journey going?
What's changed? 
What have you seen for the first time
or realized afresh? 
Where do you still need to go?
What do you want?
Why do you want that?
What now do you need to relinquish?

day 32…relinquishing my persona

Carrying on from yesterday...

Thomas Merton beautifully describes
what God is doing in the constant action
we call creation (note: creation isn't past tense
God is always in the act of creating who we are -
even this breath we are taking).

Merton writes:
He alone is the gentlest of loves:
whose pure flame respects all things.
God, who owns all things, leaves them to themselves.
He never takes them for His own,
the way we take them for our own and destroy them.

He leaves them to themselves.
He keeps giving to them, giving them all they are,
asking no thanks of them
save that they should receive from Him
and be loved and nurtured by Him,
and that they should increase and multiply,
and so praise him.

The gentleness of God's love hasn't a drop of possessiveness in it.
There's no hint of "that's not yours - that's mine".
There's no-demanding recognition -
" you better be grateful - you'd be nothing without me -
Get worshiping me pronto!"

Instead, the gratitude God seeks
is that creation is nurtured and loved
becoming more and more itself.

That for me is in part what it means
to allow ourselves to be known,
We get to know how God knows us.

That's not easy and can feel like a narrow road:
it can feel like putting something to death in us-
putting to death the self we idolize: our ego self.

Relinquishing our “persona” then
is to do with giving up our attachment to 
and our investment in 
the self that's focused on
what I've achieved,
what I've not been polluted by,
what I've accumulated,
how clever I am,
how holy I am,
how successful I am,
the self I'm happy to put on show
and can create some kind of legacy out of.

We take too seriously a self
that is nothing like the God
Merton describes above.

Learning that I am more than my ego self
takes time, effort, discovery, epiphany and grace – it’s a narrow road -
where we get to know our true self
the self God brings us to be,
The self that is pure gift:
my life, my consciousness, 
my love, and being loved,
All gift.
It turns out I'm a beloved creature.
My ego self wants to be the creator.

This breath, and the next one - gift, sheer gift
I am a gift. 
Let me say that again, 
I am a gift;
loved into existence.

The self we develop in school, work, relationships,
that’s gifted, and stable, isn’t bad - but it isn’t enough.

Deep down we know that.
Don't we recognize our complexity, and contradiction.
The self-that’s the self I want to justify.
The self-that’s in competition for attention.
The self-that’s slighted when not recognized.
The self that wants to be someone,
so others will value who I am – is an idol.  
It can't be know by God - because it's not real.

What does a human life look like
when completely inhabited by God?
Listen to Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

"Jesus is there only for others.
His being there for others
is his experience of transcendence.
It is only his freedom from himself,
this being there for others, even to death,
that is the source of his omnipotence,
and omnipresence. Faith is participation
in this being there for others...our relation to God
is a new life in being there for others."

One of the safest ways human beings avoid the narrow road
and hide themselves from  what it's like
to become our true self
is by being "religious."

I think much of the rhetoric from the European
and American (North and South)
political/religious right,
proffers a "Christianity" 
that's the complete antithesis of Bonhoeffer's words.

day 31…losing and finding

Thinking some more
about what it means to be known by God. 
Will that not be about shedding our false identity, 
the identity that is a persona which we show to the world
that is not bad in itself, but not who we really are either. 

To be be known is to experience the excavation 
of our true self, to be given who we truly are. 
That's not easy, or always comfortable - 
because it's also about learning the truth 
about who we are, in a negative way, 
identifying the shadow self we each have
for what it is, a cuckoo in the souls nest. 

What does Jesus have to say about that self?

Then Jesus told his disciples, 
“If any want to become my followers, 
let them deny themselves and take up their cross 
and follow me. 
For those who want to save their life will lose it, 
and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.

To travel into God's knowing us
will strip away what isn't really who we are:
we lose that in order to find 
who we truly are. 

I don't see how it can be any other way
if we are to receive the kind of love
we are loved with. 

Thomas Merton gives a brilliant description
of what that love is like,
untainted by the devices and desires 
of our shadow selves:

The Lord is present where the new day shines
in the moisture of the young grasses.
The Lord is present where the small wildflowers
are known to him alone.

The Lord God suddenly passes in the wind,
at the moment when night ebbs into the ground.
He who is infinitely great has given His children
a share in His own innocence.

He alone is the gentlest of loves:
whose pure flame respects all things.
God, who owns all things, 
leaves them to themselves.
He never takes them for His own,
the way we take them for our own
and destroy them. 

He leaves them to themselves. 
He keeps giving to them, giving them all they are,
asking no thanks of them 
save that they should receive from Him
and be loved and nurtured by Him,
and that they should increase and multiply,
and so praise him.

He saw that all things were beautiful 
and he did not want them.
His love is not like ours.
His love is unpossessive.
His love is pure because it needs nothing. 

day 30…a traveling song book

The king of love my shepherd is..
So, the entry for tonight
is an old song to a new tune. 
It’s a rough sketch of a song, 
but the words are known and trusted companions. 
Sound quality not great. But enough for tonight...

The king of love my shepherd is,
Whose goodness faileth never;
I nothing lack if I am his
And he is mine for ever. 

Where streams of living water flow
My ransomed soul he leadeth,
And where the verdant pastures grow
With food celestial feedeth. 

Perverse and foolish oft I strayed,
But yet in love he sought me,
And on his shoulder gently laid,
And home rejoicing brought me. 

In death's dark vale I fear no ill
With thee, dear Lord, beside me;
Thy rod and staff my comfort still,
Thy cross before to guide me. 

Thou spread'st a table in my sight;
Thy unction grace bestoweth;
And O what transport of delight
From thy pure chalice floweth! 

And so through all the length of days
Thy goodness faileth never:
Good shepherd, may I sing thy praise
Within thy house for ever. 
Apologies for the multi- plex size image. 
It should turn around the right way when played.